That awful subject

Money. We love it, we hate it, we want it, we waste it. To be rather frank about my current social standings; I'm fucking broke. Broke-broke-broke.

Tia and I just purchased our first real car last month, we bought our first house a year ago, we're getting married in grand fashion in just 10 weeks, the dogs just had their yearly assortment of unnecessary shots and blood tests, I just put a bunch of heating oil in the tank that really didn't need to be put in, and the last couple of weeks overall have seen some rather frivolous behavior.

Being broke is by no means a new concept to me, and it's this particular dry spell that has me identifying the vast array of negative reactions to the state. Conservation becomes the soundtrack to each day between now and next Thursday when I will find my financial keel once again even. It's strange how the nicest dinner out on the town among friends will almost always end on an awkward note when the bill comes.

Through some perverse association, I drink less water when I'm broke; as though the tens of thousands of gallons of water in and around my well directly relate to a little number that only I and a piece of plastic in my wallet know about. I write shorter emails when I'm broke, as though we're living in 1995 and every k of transferred data is racking up some monster bill. My physical actions are less frequent and budgeted tightly, as though every calorie burned is just one more I have to pay to get back.

These habits are most certainly related to our primitive past in caves and huts of conservative means. It struck me tonight that we don't have a slender side of elk drying over the fire pit, rather, we have frozen pizza and salmon steaks in the freezer, a deep pantry of dry and canned goods, plenty of fresh veggies, and gallons of juice, soda, bottled water, wine, beer, etc. Not to mention a wealthy supply of stored energy around my mid-section (the wallet of days past). Suddenly that $45 in my checking account seems like generous allowance to eat lunch for the next 5 working days.

I wonder how beagle meat tastes when cooked over an open flame...